A treatise on unexpected scrotal bleeding.
Before we go any further, requests in the manner of "pictures or it didn't happen" will be treated with disdain.
A few nights ago an incident occurred at Chateau Unclealec - the curious case of the balls in the night.
The night in question, I went up to bed, dutifully wishing my present wife ( a semi-pro late night TV watcher) a good night. Imagine her surprise when I returned downstairs a few minutes later, bollock naked, pressing a large wad of blood-stained toilet paper to my scrotum.
What happened was:
I usually sleep wearing boxers. Upon reaching my sleeping quarters in the North Wing, I removed my denture, then my outer clothing. Having had my customary couple of pints of apple juice, I was seized with the desire to urinate, so headed to the en-suitish clad only in the aforementioned boxer shorts. Nothing ususual so far.
I positioned myself on the throne, the ability to urinate whilst vertical having left me many years ago. Simultaneously with sliding my boxers down my manly legs I experienced a sensation of moisture. "Oh! No", I thought. "Just too late (again)".
But to my horror I saw that my boxers were copiously bloodstained. Not only that, the front of the toilet seat, visible between my manly thighs, was covered with bright red arterial blood.
I panicked.
The blood was emanating in frequent drips, maybe one per second. A race ensued between the blood flow and my ability to construct sufficient quantity of toilet-paper compression/absorbtion pads. Fortunately we have vinyl flooring in the bathroom so part of my thinking involved positioning myself somewhere where the dripping blood would not cause any need for refurnishing or replacement bedding. I should state that I have no recollection of having absent-mindedly stuck a compass point into my nuts, nor of any other physical or mechanical impact.
I saw a possibility that the nuts ambulance would have to be summoned so walked downstairs to request my wife's involvement. The toilet paper compresses were replaced by kitchen roll. After several minutes the flow of blood lessened, then stopped completely. The site of the bleeding was hardly if at all visible; a pinprick (no snide comments please, I deliberately kept this out of the Bear Pit) on the outer surface of my scrotum
With that, the incident was over.
I was at this stage totally mystified, though having had testicular cancer and orchidectomy in my early 30s I do have a Damocles' Sword attitude towards my genitalia.
I asked Dr. Google. The instant response was as per the thread title, angiokeratoma. Talk about every day a school day!
With no recurrence so far, clear and identical case histories on screen, and no adverse impact save laundry aspects, I have taken no further action, nor am I worried about this.
Finally, two questions:
Has anyone else had this? PM if you are too embarrassed to post (my testicular cancer removed any preponderence towards embarrassment).
Do you think this post would edit down into a useable Tinder profile?
Last edited by unclealec; 6th May 2024 at 22:20.
Yeah, I've got one on my left nadger. Maybe 1.5 mil in diameter, a little raised. Like a tiny reddish/purple spot. Appeared years ago and has never caused me an issue. My GP did take a look some time back and was not concerned. Doesn't trouble me at all.
Obviously catching/nicking such a thing is going to cause some bloodworks (as it's basically a blood vessel that's sort of 'popped up/formed' through the surface afaik). Fortunately, the location of mine is well protected!
Last edited by Mouse; 6th May 2024 at 12:18.
Blimey Unc you don't do things by half do you?
Glad it is nothing horrible but it must have been frightening at the time.
Cheers,
Neil.
Are you sure it wasn’t just your time of the month?
(sorry!)
A pal of mine (on a camping trip years ago) started a bleed and after the usual "Did you have your period early" jokes I decided to help him out because he was beginning to panic and we were in the middle of effing nowhere - before mobile phones BTW.
Because I wasn't sure how it had occurred i administered the isopropyl alcohol spray direct - now I still recall the comic image of a man dancing around a scottish mountain with his trousers round his ankle being voraciously attacked by their deligtful midges.
I followed up with clean water on an alum shaving block (which he administered I might add ) and mercifully the bleeding stopped.
He must have rechecked himself about two hundred times that weekend and it took several salt tablets(placebo) and much verbal assurance that he wasn't going to exsanguinate on some lonely scottish mountainside.
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