A treatise on unexpected scrotal bleeding.
Before we go any further, requests in the manner of "pictures or it didn't happen" will be treated with disdain.
A few nights ago an incident occurred at Chateau Unclealec - the curious case of the balls in the night.
The night in question, I went up to bed, dutifully wishing my present wife ( a semi-pro late night TV watcher) a good night. Imagine her surprise when I returned downstairs a few minutes later, bollock naked, pressing a large wad of blood-stained toilet paper to my scrotum.
What happened was:
I usually sleep wearing boxers. Upon reaching my sleeping quarters in the North Wing, I removed my denture, then my outer clothing. Having had my customary couple of pints of apple juice, I was seized with the desire to urinate, so headed to the en-suitish clad only in the aforementioned boxer shorts. Nothing ususual so far.
I positioned myself on the throne, the ability to urinate whilst vertical having left me many years ago. Simultaneously with sliding my boxers down my manly legs I experienced a sensation of moisture. "Oh! No", I thought. "Just too late (again)".
But to my horror I saw that my boxers were copiously bloodstained. Not only that, the front of the toilet seat, visible between my manly thighs, was covered with bright red arterial blood.
I panicked.
The blood was emanating in frequent drips, maybe one per second. A race ensued between the blood flow and my ability to construct sufficient quantity of toilet-paper compression/absorbtion pads. Fortunately we have vinyl flooring in the bathroom so part of my thinking involved positioning myself somewhere where the dripping blood would not cause any need for refurnishing or replacement bedding. I should state that I have no recollection of having absent-mindedly stuck a compass point into my nuts, nor of any other physical or mechanical impact.
I saw a possibility that the nuts ambulance would have to be summoned so walked downstairs to request my wife's involvement. The toilet paper compresses were replaced by kitchen roll. After several minutes the flow of blood lessened, then stopped completely. The site of the bleeding was hardly if at all visible; a pinprick (no snide comments please, I deliberately kept this out of the Bear Pit) on the outer surface of my scrotum
With that, the incident was over.
I was at this stage totally mystified, though having had testicular cancer and orchidectomy in my early 30s I do have a Damocles' Sword attitude towards my genitalia.
I asked Dr. Google. The instant response was as per the thread title, angiokeratoma. Talk about every day a school day!
With no recurrence so far, clear and identical case histories on screen, and no adverse impact save laundry aspects, I have taken no further action, nor am I worried about this.
Finally, two questions:
Has anyone else had this? PM if you are too embarrassed to post (my testicular cancer removed any preponderence towards embarrassment).
Do you think this post would edit down into a useable Tinder profile?
Reply With Quote