Jesus alot of people here have kids! I'm 40 and my gf is 39 we have no plans to have children. We have talked about it and both of us have absolutely no desire to breed. Personally i can't imagine anything worse, i've always been slightly confused why & just how many people do it.
My children came along in the traditional time honoured "oh bugger!" way when I was 24 and the Mrs 22. This is now the extreme it seems, however at my 13 year olds parents evening I did chat to one dad who was nearly 60 and absolutely bricking it about how he would pay to educate his daughter who potentially would be in education for another 10 years.
I was 37 when we had Oliver but we'd been trying for a couple of years unsuccesfully, including a couple of misscarriages...... Didn't do IVF thing but had all but given up and started looking at adoption when my wife fell pregnant.
Oliver's 7 now.
I was 28 and my wife was 25 when we had our 1st child. We thought we couldn't afford to, but realised that we would always use that as an excuse not to have one - so we went for it! I now have 5 kids, 3 boys, 2 girls ranging in age from 22 to 16. I wouldn't have done anything different.
I was 41 and the wife was 39 when we had ours. Best thing we were did.
He is now 10 and a wonderful lad - long may that continue.
I would also say that he has kept both me and his mum young.
Andy
Whoever does not know how to hit the nail on the head should be asked not to hit it at all.
Friedrich Nietzsche
I was 26 when my first was born, my wife 24. I was 30 when my middle son was born and 36 at the birth of my youngest.
We have three sons.
Personally I think if you are mature enough you can't be too young. If you wait until you think you are ready you'll never have any children.
Neither my wife nor I went to university and I have never been a corporate drone but always a good earner.
I was of an age when I could still show the boys how to play football and teach and run around with them at tennis. After all what child wants old parents?
Looking back now my wife and I would have liked 4-6 children but of course feel blessed with our sons.
Cheers,
Neil.
I'm 45, Sarah 42 and we are finally expecting our first (due early March) after 5 years 'hard graft' and with some intervention from medical science.
I was vaguely aware that Sarah's clock was ticking but I'd never really had it made clear to me how much a woman's reproductive system falls off a cliff once they reach their 30s. The exact age varies from person to person of course.
A woman is born with all of the eggs she will ever ovulate, in fact female foetuses have their eggs by about 14 weeks. IVF techniques can help you scrape the bottom of the barrel but it is emotionally and physically taxing (more so for the woman but not exclusively) not to mention seriously prejudicial to ones disposable income.
If your partner is in her 30s and you are both inclined towards having kids then get moving. What are you waiting for, upstairs with you!
This too! I wish I could go back and give my 35 year old self a slapping.Originally Posted by Neil.C
There's a saying that your children bring you up.
I don't think you did. I have 4 grown up children and a 14 week old daughter and I'm 58 :-)
I agree. Don't waste fertile time.
I wish you all the very best. I know that is a hard road you have been down. Although I have 4 grown up children. My present wife and I spent 10 years to get our lovely 14 week old daughter . Seven cycles of IFV, 4 miscarriages and finally from an embryo we had frozen at a fertility clinic in Thailand after further medical intervention to secure a safe pregnancy.
My son was born this morning.
Congratulations!
Congratulations! Hope all is well.
Our little fella is almost 11 months old now. I am 40 and the Mrs is 33. It did worry me a little at first, thinking ahead to when he is in his teens, living at home and I am in my mid to late fifties. Now I'm not worried about it and am just enjoying a new phase of life and all the fun and challenges that parenthood is bringing.
Absolutely! Congratulations.Congratulations!In keeping with the thread, how old are you if you don't mind me asking?
A very good friend of mine is expecting his first this week too. (He's almost 33).
Well done! Mine is 7 weeks old so I know what you'll be going though...
That's cheered me up :-)
Like you (I am guessing) I'm on life Version 2.0 and have a 25 year old daughter from life 1.0.
I wonder what will happen when I'm 75?
Congratulations. Get some sleep. You'll need it.
I refer the honourable gentleman to the answer I gave earlier (me 41, wife 35, daughter 4).Absolutely! Congratulations.
A very good friend of mine is expecting his first this week too. (He's almost 33).
Sorry, should pay more attention to names.
I'm 41, wife 37. Both Graduates etc. Daughter just coming up on 11, son nearly 5.
Seems about right to me. Nice to have a bit of a gap between the two as well actually - she helped a lot with him, and there's not much sibling rivalry.
Not having any more though!
So clever my foot fell off.
congrats phil.
i think there are so many more other factors to consider apart from age regarding whether its the right time to start a family. i think the main thing to consider is the amount of emotional stability in the family. you can have that - or a lack of it - at any age.
also i agree with neils comment - you will never be exactly ready, its such a new experience, and leads to a totally different way of life , or rather, way you perceive life.
what scared me about parenthood is the capacity you have to turn into your own parents - theres alot of stored behaviour on board which you arent aware of at the outset.
Good luck everybody. Have a good one.
Congratulations :-)
I was 26 my wife was 31 daughter is now 5. Don't think we have missed out on much although I don't enjoy being a weekend dad
First off, congratulations Phil - happiest day of my life without doubt and hope its the same for you.
Not read all the posts but here's my story.....
I was the first child of parents both aged 16 and grew up absolutely adamant that kids were not for me; I liked kids and really enjoyed spending time with them (work gave me many opportunities being in community education for over 30 yrs) but I really didn't want to be a shit dad.
I thought I hadn't got time with all my other commitments; work, sport, hobbies, etc, etc, and nothing was as absolute as my belief that I would go to my grave without having children - and, may I add, the absolute belief that this was right for me...........
In all my relationships, including two marriages, the 'no kids' doctrine had been laid down and complied with until 3 years ago when, aged 48, I came home to find my wife, crying on the porch as she came to meet me, to tell me the news that she was pregnant...
It was, by all accounts a miraculous conception, she was on the pill and the opportunity for conception, lets say, was relatively rare.
My wife and I (she was 38, me 48) hardly spoke for a couple of weeks as we both came to terms with the news and the definite conclusion ( all things being equal) that we would be parents. We had to mull over the options available but termination was never really an option although we gave the matter due consideration.....
Fast forward three years and after a very, very difficult pregnancy with minimal probability of a successful outcome -
We now have Alex, our absolutely fantastic little boy and, without sounding ridiculous or over dramatic, without doubt the best thing to happen to me in my life.
I absolutely worship the little fellow and the mere thought that I could have gone through life without experiencing the sheer joy of being a dad, and the fact that this would have been my decision (me thinking that I was doing the best for me) really, really scares the shit out of me.
I now spend all my time wishing I had him earlier and that, statistically speaking, I would have had more time on the planet to share with him but, as everyone says, I have him now and I should make the most of every day which I definitely try to do.
Big up for the dads, no matter how old you are!
Last edited by GIB984; 25th October 2012 at 13:37.
thinking of starting a family isnt all there is to it. i know loads of people who had kids that didnt want them, loads of poeple who wanted kids but didnt manage it .... there are some other factors involved . we may like to think we are in control all of the time, but the reality is very different.
Good luck everybody. Have a good one.
This really is a great thread, some lovely stories
(I dearly hope my batter works when called to the front line!)
you can always borrow some of alexs. ( coming to an sc near you ? )
Good luck everybody. Have a good one.
Myself and my partner are hopefully on the road to having a kid but we have left it late. Going for all sorts of tests to see I it's still a possibility! I'm 39 and she's 43 So fingers crossed!
Congratulations Phil!
All the best to you, your wife and new son.
Cheers,
Neil.
Great story, Gary...thanks for sharing.
This brings me onto the point - although I respect people's decision not to have children (and in some strange grudging way, wish I had the same cold resolve) I guess you never really know how special it is to be a father until you are one. I'm dreading the lack of sleep, lack of me-time (like weekend afternoon naps after football, ad hoc decisions to go out for lunch, dinner and generally having to worry about a small dependent for the next 20+ years ) but I'm sure if I got to retirement age without having been a father and with no-one to look out for us and for us to share our pleasure in their lives (and possibly grandchildren), I'd regret it.
That was entirely my attitude, and probably the only thing you have ever written I agree with.Great story, Gary...thanks for sharing.
This brings me onto the point - although I respect people's decision not to have children (and in some strange grudging way, wish I had the same cold resolve) I guess you never really know how special it is to be a father until you are one. I'm dreading the lack of sleep, lack of me-time (like weekend afternoon naps after football
Good luck with your family plans.
So clever my foot fell off.
Thank you.
Thanks mate, added a few pics!Great story, Gary...thanks for sharing.
Hi
I'm 34 and my wife 35 we got married at 23 and 24 respectively.
We had always wanted children and lo and behold twin boys arrived exactly a year and a day after our wedding!
We didnt want to be too old (although this is totally subjective and there can be huge differences between biological and chronological age) when we had children and so it was planned. Looking back now that the children are older we wouldnt want it any other way. We do look back at the times we had before marriage and before the children were born and sometimes wonder what it would have been like had we waited - but never regretted our decision for a minute.
It's already been said but children are truly a blessing and an enhancement and enrichment to married life.
regards
Great stuff Gary, you're clearly enjoying being a dad!
My wife and I are both 44 - she's 3 days older than me, does that constitute me being her Toy Boy?
We've got a 7 year old boy and 3 year old girl. We got married in 2000 and probably left it a little bit longer than we should have. The thought of Imogen not leaving University until I'm in my 60s fills me with dread!
But they have given me a new lease of life which is nice to have in my mid-40s. I coach my little boy's rugby team and it's great to get back involved with the game after packing in playing a few years ago when I started getting injured a bit more frequently than I would like.
We are older than the vast majority of the other parents at the school and nursery although only by a couple of years in most cases and don't feel like we've left it dramatically later than the norm. It's the really young parents who stand out where we live but maybe that's more a function of the area than the national averages.
Would I go back and change anything? I wouldn't change anything about my children (that is such a lie isn't it! If I wouldn't change anything about them why do I spend so much time telling them what to do and shaping their lives?!). But I would definitely try to start a family a couple of years earlier than we actually did. The other factor to consider is the age gap between siblings. We'd planned on a 2 year gap but my wife had a molar pregnancy - look it up if you don't know what it is - and because of the way the follow-up treatment works you have to wait a minimum of 12 months before you can try again. The 4 year gap is actually working out really well at the moment but when she's 14 or 15 and her brother's 18 and 19 year old mates come sniffing around that's when I'm going to have to get violent with them I think......
Fascinating thread with some cracking stories.
Mine has taken a few twists: married for the first time relatively young - didn't really fancy kids lead to divorce after seven years.
Almost immediately fell for our QA Manageress (as you do), she fell pregnant and miscarried, fell pregnant again and first child born in Jan 1996, we were aged 31 and 30 respectively. Getting the hang of things by now, Suz fell pregnant almost straight away, something to do with being very fertile post child birth. 360 days after the birth of our first, number two enters the world.
Fast forward sixteen years to April last year; just as we had decided to upscale her chocolate business and buy another complementary business, totally unplanned Suz drops the bombshell that she's pregnant again. Four hours after shutting up shop on Christmas Eve 2011 along comes our third, by now we're aged 47 and 46 respectively.
Benefits of having a child later in life: two relatively co-operative baby sitters.
Downsides of having a child later in life: being called Grandad by an assistant in Toys R Us Kids on the first of January and being repeatedly asked by all and sundry if you are going to have another.
My advice to anyone considering a child later in life would be go for it, but don't leave it too late due to the increased chances of complications.
LOL - happened to me last year when taking Alex to see Santa....
Nearly knocked him out but reckoned it wouldn't go down to well with the little'un :)
Our little girl is 11 months now were both 34 now, we left it later than some of our friends but we've lived a little travelled a lot and are quite comfortable with savings houses etc. It worries me being a bit older than other dads (we're hoping for another next year) however when I see younger couples struggling financially needing to move to a bigger house etc I think waiting a bit has made our lives much easier the house is big enough for 3/4 kids good school area cars are newish. Swings and roundabouts really but for us waiting until now seems to be working maybe when she's running round a bit more ill wish we'd started 10 years earlier lolSome research out the other day showed women with degrees now have their first child at age 35.
When did you or do you aim to start a family? Is there a ‘right’ age? Do you regret starting a family too early and missing out on your youth? Or do you regret starting a family too late and worry about being the 50 something Dad kicking a ball around in the park with your little boy?
Curious as to what your thoughts are.
I've got a good age range. Had my first when I was 26, followed by another 2 at 29 and 33. Juggling work and kids wasn't easy but you try your best. Always remember being told no matter what you missed during the day working, be home for bath and bed time and that worked ok.
Split with my first wife and thought that was it, but now have 2 more girls aged 3 and 1, and i'm 44 now. My oldest is 18 and at uni now, so once the youngest is 18, I'll have have been doing kids for 35 years!! A sobering thought.
Malc
Congrats to all the breeders here ;) need more to pay there stamp to secure my state pension.......
I decided many years ago ( when i was a child myself ) that fatherhood was not for me through a combination of selfishness and watching / experiancing the impacts of disfuctional relationships can have on children.
Now I'm a few days away from the four zero, my views haven't changed, I'm marryed which I also said I wouldn't do, though the views on children haven't changed & luckily my wife has the same outlook. I'm sure I could have coped if it happened though not so sure I'd enjoy it.
That said I have a lovely odd daughter Lilly who's great to spend time with, though sometimes even better to hand back to mum and dad.
Still congrats to all the parents on this thread I hope your rightly proud of the offspring.
Had the first at 29, and the second at 32 (we didn't "try" for either which is my only regret - it would have been good to get a bit of practicing in first - ha ha). A mate had his first at 16 (now that's what you call early)... And someone I work with waited until he was approaching 50.
My 16 year old mate felt daunted at the time, but has gone on to have a few more with the same woman (who he's now married to). The bloke I work with is happy as Larry, but wishes he had more energy. For me, if I'd waited until I was ready, I don't think it would ever happen!
I honestly don't therefore think there's an ideal age to have kids but if you both want them and feel ready, I'd say go for it. Just go into it with open eyes. They do take up a bit of your spare time ;-)
i'm 38 and girlfriend is 29. feel under pressure at moment as all her friends are popping them out. not sure i'm ready yet, still trying to buy house and not married yet. so i guess next few years are going to be expensive.
girlfriend is a helicopter engineer so taking time of on maternity leave is a bit more difficult, due to having to keep her logbook / experience current.
atleast seeing some of the posts on here i feel i can justify my lateness in the matter a little more. still need to get my career a bit more fine tuned before i become the only incime siurce for a while.
I was 30 when we got the first one, and 33 when the second one arrived. My wife's a year younger. We kind of planned this, both of us had finished university by the time and had been working for a few years, we had a house etc. The older one is soon five, and I don't think we are going to have any more kids.
Yes i would definitely like to be a dad at some point but I am in no rush i am 34 and my girlfriend is only 22 so we can take our time.
I fear the same thing is going to happen to us. We have been trying for about a year and a half, my wife is 40 now, I'm 34.
it really upsets her when each month goes by with no success, and that in turn upsets me. I can't help but think we or I am doing something wrong, if that's possible.
I think these situations can make or break a relationship too, I'm not sure which for us
Anyway sorry for putting a bit of a downer on the thread just telling my story, oh and there isn't alot of people that know this.
It was similar for us, as in we decided the time was right to try and try as we might nothing happened. It was almost 2 years and we had just had a conversation about perhaps it wasn't going to happen and with my job at risk was maybe for the best. Then we found out my wife was pregnant soon after I received the news that I was to be made redundant. Not ideal timing, but we were thrilled that we were to have a child.I fear the same thing is going to happen to us. We have been trying for about a year and a half, my wife is 40 now, I'm 34.
it really upsets her when each month goes by with no success, and that in turn upsets me. I can't help but think we or I am doing something wrong, if that's possible.
I think these situations can make or break a relationship too, I'm not sure which for us
Anyway sorry for putting a bit of a downer on the thread just telling my story, oh and there isn't alot of people that know this.
I was 22 also, but feel that it was exactly what I needed (the responsibility made me grow up quick and quit doing the stupid things I was doing at the time!) now im 28, my wifes 29 and we have a two girls at 6 and 3 and a 1 year old boy. By far and away my greatest achievements, I wouldnt change anything.
Get yourselves to the GP, it could be something simple.I fear the same thing is going to happen to us. We have been trying for about a year and a half, my wife is 40 now, I'm 34.
it really upsets her when each month goes by with no success, and that in turn upsets me. I can't help but think we or I am doing something wrong, if that's possible.
I think these situations can make or break a relationship too, I'm not sure which for us
Anyway sorry for putting a bit of a downer on the thread just telling my story, oh and there isn't alot of people that know this.
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