^ A wise decision well made I would suggest.
I’m 12 weeks into parenthood and I’d give anything for a decent nights sleep. People were happily telling me “you don’t know what tired is...” christ they were right!
How does something so small existing purely on milk produce such an insane amount of smells?!
That's when you really realise how precious every moment is. It's important to try to maintain some form of 'normality' if possible and to include siblings so that they feel involved in the care of their sick brother or sister. It's incredibly tough but amazing how you all adapt.Originally Posted by raptor
Your wheelie bin, and how heavy it gets...
I have 3 kids, all close in age.
For about three years; 2 people in this house were using the toilet... 3 young people were, in effect, using the wheelie bin as the toilet (nappies).
I had 3 formal written warnings about the sheer weight of the 'black bin'...
Correct !
And makes all orher things unimportant
Also, it’s important to not lose who you were as a couple before having kids. Easier said than done and it takes work but come retirement you don’t want to have nothing in common or not be happy in each others company without the kids around. We have regular date nights and still pursue our interests as a family as well. Things like the cinema, golf, car shows, skiing, theatre etc. Clearly the older the nipper gets the easier this is.
True! I even remember by Father in Law taking the plane from Toronto to Amsterdam to take care of our oldest for a week when we were on a short holiday brake. Lots of hassle to fly 2x 9 hrs? Perhaps, but he was oh-so-proud telling people in the plane that he was to spend a week with his 6 months old grandson! He still mentions this from time to time!
M
Ah yes,
Forgot about the breastfeeding nazis - sod them, what matters is mum and baby are happy, and they're happy when well fed enough to sleep well...
Also, I have a friend who feels she was "robbed of the birth experience" by an emergency Cesarean and still isn't over it 15 years later. The other lady I know who had to have one is just thankful she has the baby.
Don't get too attached to those boobs when they grow two cup sizes during pregnancy, enjoy them while you can, it's temporary...
well now I've got the horrors :-)
Our first child was due Wednesday just gone. So currently 5 days overdue. I decided to sell my half of the kitchen business I owned and take a few months out.
We've recently moved into our forever house. Its a 70's built house and needs some serious updating. So its deffo going to be all hands on deck. I'll possibly make a thread on the works as they happen.
Lots of wisdom heeded from this timely thread though folks. Were both really excited about welcoming our first into this crazy world. However were the last in our families to have a child along with the group of friends we have. So lots of help at hand.
The nursery is all sorted and is the best room in the house by some margin. The wife wanted an all singing pram. I was fine with this as long as we bought second hand. Picked up £1200 worth for £450. Still not cheap but a major saving where every penny counts for the next couple of years.
Wish us luck folks :-)
Anybody got any tips on how to get rid of them once they’ve grown up, gone to uni and now have jobs. Can I just change the locks?
Modern age I'm afraid, mine are 25 and 23 and no chance of getting rid of either. I keep reminding them that at 23 I had my first house and mortgage, but it makes no difference.Anybody got any tips on how to get rid of them once they’ve grown up, gone to uni and now have jobs. Can I just change the locks?
to be fair, its a lot harder getting a house and mortgage these days for young people
Good luck everybody. Have a good one.
😳 Crikey, I moved out at 16, rented a flat and was pounding the beat at 19! Lol
We are at 9 weeks currently for our first child
Being an engineer I’m researching a lot so this thread will be great
My mum is a childminder who works from home so I have been around kids all my life which is helpful but will be nothing like having our own
Incredibly excited and it has already put other things into perspective
Your annual leave is no longer yours, especially when they reach school age.
I found it quite an adjustment (she is in year R), but wouldn't change the upsides of being a parent for anything.
I have an apprentice currently working for me to gain some overseas experience. She's just turned 21 and has been working for three years on a fairly basic wage yet manages to rent a small place in Northampton, live within her means and even save a few quid. There's hope for my two yet but if they want to stay with us well into their 20s I doubt we'll be complaining.
I moved out 7 years ago when I was 22/23. My sister is 26 and will easily be at home another 26 years...
Make sure you don’t keep you watches on your beside table. Nothing makes your heart skip a beat than being in the shower as your 18 month old dangles your Rolex above tiled floors!!
Mine is now two.
Proper sleep, me time, and bank balance all been nuked; being awake watching snooker at 3am, playing with toy cars, and oogling the fit birds on kiddie TV are the upsides
Now, after all these years, I can still remember that I didn't get much sleep. But I cannot remember (anymore) how it affected me. I do know that I was always the person who had to go out of bed. My wife will sleep through anything even the roughest thunderstorm. Mother-instinct you say will wake her up! No, when she sleeps, it's like a form of a coma. Hence my nightly trips to the kids' bedroom. Nightmares, ear infections, coughs, vomit. I have seen it all, smelled it all, heard it all. You don't scare me anymore.
I am the one going to the supermarket every week and of course one takes his toddler with him...
I'd made a rule for myself: "I will not reward anything that starts with: I want ..., I will have ..., can I ...." Thinking: "I don't want at beggar-in-diapers in front of me in the supermarket. I will not take it off the shelf into my shopping cart!" Things went pear-shaped when he started with "I want ..." with the name of a product we need, like cheese or milk. One time I returned home with only 10 - 15 items from the shopping list instead of the usual bunch. My wife was at home so I told her: "Here he is, take care of him. I go back to the supermarket on my own for the other items on the list!"
Sometimes, little things make a life-long lasting impression on your kid. When my oldest was 5 yrs old, we went to the cinema. Not for the first time, I may add. We'd started with 'toddler movies' when he was 3 or 4. That's when they leave the lights on (dimmed) and the sound isn't too loud. Highly recommended. But when he was 5 y/o, we went to see Pixar's Cars. A friend of mine is a total movie-nut, so he works in the local cinema as an operator. He spotted us during the first half of the movie and came up to us during the break. He then said to my son (who had just finished his lemonade: "What do you think? Is it time to start again? C'mon up, you can start the movie again!" So he did. Now, nearly 15 yrs later, about that single moment, he's still talking about that moment like: "Perhaps I should try to get a summer job in the Cinema. Afer all, I've learned how to start the film when I was 5!"
Last edited by thieuster; 30th May 2018 at 05:24.
My sons are now 7 and 4. My recall is that it was exciting and terrifying at the same time. When there was family around at first it was fine, experienced women who knew how to look after babies. But when they went home it was scary - "what, just us? And we've got to look after him?!". Fractured sleep, learning new skills. My wife dilligently breastfeeding, painstaking at first but it got easier.
You find that all the things people say that you assume are cliches are actually true (and later on find yourself saying them to expectant couples!). The big thing I remember is that the first 3 or 4 months it's all one way, just you investing all your time and energy into the baby. Then suddenly that relationship becomes reciprocal - they laugh for the first time, start interacting, and all those long hours start bearing fruit. Next thing they're walking, then talking, then starting nursery, school, Beavers, football... it flies by.
Other things?
It's easier with the second, you're more relaxed and experienced. Child care costs a fortune. Your house is always a tip. Soft play centres seem cool at first, but slowly become as appealing as a concentration camp. You learn to make small talk with other dads at birthday parties - which are seemingly endless. Your car is always full of crumbs and raisins. You cannot believe the cost of a buggy. You wouldn't swap them for the world.
Last edited by davidj54; 4th June 2018 at 23:36.
We agreed to clean up de play area every evening. No swarf of Duplo block, bright coloured toys. Same goes for the garden: balls etc in a brightly coloured container in the back of the garden. Later, when they are older, the had to start helpen cleaning up the goodies (not mess).
Perhaps OCD? Who knows. But a clean, clutter-free room at night is far more relaxing for us, parents.
Funny anecdote: my oldest was 'babysitting' the kids next door (then 7 and 5), last year. He was there around 4PM, was to have dinner with them and take them to bed later that evening. @ 5 euros/hr an easy, well-paid job. Around 6PM we (my wife and I) heard him say: "Okay, we're going to eat, put away your toys and make the garden tidy" (he repeated what we used to say). The little girl replied with: "But our father and mother never tell us to clear the garden!" His reply in a friendly but decisive manner: "Well, your father and mother aren't here, are they? So, start cleaning and after that we can eat!" The mrs and I looked at each other and felt proud...
Menno
That's fantastic. I can understand you feeling proud!
Very good menno!
How else will children learn?
My sisters kids are still living at home in their early twenties, and she is still running around up after them...... Hmmm, i wonder why?
Good luck everybody. Have a good one.
My wife’s two daughters are a similar age and are far more demanding of her time now than when they were younger. The trouble is that she will never say no to them; it’s incredibly frustrating (and expensive!)
I also know that whatever we are doing, if the phone pings (her text alert) then I may as well not be there for the next fifteen minutes!
Even last Sunday, Amy was sunbathing in the garden whilst we were driving back home from Yorkshire (300 miles), she got a text asking us to pick up some chicken breasts for her to cook her boyfriend’s tea!
My response was to tell her to get off her lazy arse and drive to the shop to get some herself, but no, we have to make a detour at the end of a six hour drive to get it for her.
And what about said boyfriend? (Don’t get me started on him!), he’d spent the day fishing!
I am 3 months out.
Trying to buy as many watches as I can, before my wallet gets commandeered!
Well said. I would also add.
Love them, respect them, spoil them (if poss), teach them good manners, try not to baby them, but always make sure they know who the bosses are.
And remember that when they are all grown up (it happens very fast) both you and your children will have some wonderful memories and a bond to last a lifetime.
Whoever does not know how to hit the nail on the head should be asked not to hit it at all.
Friedrich Nietzsche
Don't worry about a second one. Things will not become twice as hectic. You're a seasoned parent, more relaxed and you get the feeling that you're at least trying to get things under control.
What bothers me about being a novice parent is the fact that a lot of opinions are presented as knowledge or -even worse- you're considered to be a bad parent if you do not comply to the 'national standard'. An example? Over here in Holland, most children are born at home with the help of a midwife and without any anaesthetic for the mother. If you opt for the hospital and a team of doctors, you're quitely asked if all's okay with the unborn... otherwise, you wouldn't go to the hospital... As the mom of an unborn, you have to be strong to resist the opinion of others. Breastfeeding mafia is another topic like that!
Our second boy cried a lot after he was born. Would he have been the first, we wouldn't have noticed it; we would simply have undergone this, thinking "this is normal!" But it wasn't. We thought that he would 'qualify' for being addressed as a 'cry-baby'. I started a search on the internet and found a chiropractor. As a matter of fact, he's the father of a boy I had in my class somewhere in the 90s. We made an appointment. He massaged the baby's head like he was forming a large snowball. The baby cried intensely - but when he took off his hands, my son stopped crying and fell asleep instantly. I can safely say that he hasn't cried more than any other baby from that moment on.
Magic? A trick? No! A baby's skill has to pass the birth canal and the skull-plates are pressed together. When born, the skull needs to find its shape again and it puts pressure on the necjt If that doesn't work properly, a baby gets a headache. He only massaged the skull to start the process of 'reshuffling'. It worked. I know that a lot of people are not convinced, but our youngest was a different, happy baby when he returned home after only one treatment!
M
The day you have a child is the day you stop thinking about yourself. It’s the final stage of adulthood.
Too celebrate the arrival of our boy I bought a new motorbike. BMW had an offer on. Rude not to.
I bought a new Triumph Street TripleStill riding it 10 years on...
Unless she was doing the driving there would have been no detour.
When you enable shit like that then the fault ultimately lies with you.
Just say no.
I avoided that moment for 48 years. 4 years later number 3 arrived. 🤤🤤🤤
Lol. Are you divorced?
21 yrs married
Maybe because I wouldn’t pander to crap like that.
Doing a solid for someone including family is different to being treated like a mug.
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Mine is now two.
Proper sleep, me time, and bank balance all been nuked; being awake watching snooker at 3am, playing with toy cars, and oogling the fit birds on kiddie TV are the upsides
You are over the hump now. Your child is becoming their own person, with their own sense of humour, personality, likes and dislikes. The next 12 years are really great. Then life starts getting serious and hormonal.
Mine is currently in the middle of his GCSE's so it's a bit tense for his mum and me - hopefully his grades will match his confidence
Whoever does not know how to hit the nail on the head should be asked not to hit it at all.
Friedrich Nietzsche
Sleeping. My oldest was and is a sound sleeper. Even to this day: start talking about 'sleep' and 'bed' and he's off! An alarm clock next to him is useless. He will sleep right through it. He has that from my wife. She is a sounds sleeper as well. When the boys were young, they'd start crying at night... I woke up. Not my wife. Mothers' instinct was overruled by mr sandman...
In books there's this chapter about: when to do when your baby starts crying: go over there to comfort the child - that involves the risk of a habit: "I cry, my parent comes and comforts me. Mmmm let's cry again..." Try to figure out what your kid needs. When my oldest started crying, I ran upstairs right away to comfort him! He started crying while still asleep (bad dream?) and when I was quick enough, he didn't even wake up and continued to sleep
However... My youngest has mine sleeping habits. 4 - 5 hrs/night. I always had that and he's the same. And we both don't need more. But... when he was very small, he would cause havoc in his room. Crying, anger, tantrum. Then the moment of: "When I go to him, I will do exactly what he wants: attention..." kicks in. In the end (and condemn me if your want for being a bad parent...) We bought this first class folding camper bed for toddlers and erected that in the dining room at the other end of the house. When he started crying and screaming, we transferred him in the middle of the night to the dining room. Put him safely to bed and closed the doors between the dining room and the bedroom upstairs. There he could cause a tantrum. We didn't hear it. It took us three weeks...
What I want to get across: books tell you about average situations. Assess your kid and come up with your own plan. Parents have an instinct of doing the right thing for their newly born. Trust on that.
One thing I want to show: a baby sleep house. My kids both went to daycare when they were 3 months old. Just at the end of the street in a shady part of the park there was this renovated kindergarten school. A fine location. They had baby sleep houses. The baby's who needed a nap, were put to bed in this small house OUTSIDE in the open air. The fresh air, the sound of birds, the wind in the trees... When dressed and covered properly, the babies sleep like logs. Even in the rain, the houses were parked under a sort of canope, turned away from the rain.
Originally, those houses were used in the North of the country by farmers who had to work on the land. The whole family had to help out, including the moms with small children, so they took them with the farm equipment to the fields! Note the wheels under the houses. Originally at the beginning of the 20th century, these houses were like wheelbarrows.
First time you seen a baby sleep house, you think:"that can't be right!' But when you see the kids sound asleep...
Agree with that, babies sleep like logs outside. As long as they're warm and dry, it's a great idea.
less than 2 months for me. I can't see any new watches on the horizon thats for sure.
This week I have dropped £1100 on buggy, £400 on cot, £400 on car seat, £100 on highchair thing, £200 on nursery bits, and we have recently started the £250 NCT course!
Plus we're picking up the new family car tomorrow!!
Last edited by jimyu; 8th June 2018 at 10:02.
Wow I used a lot of hand me downs from friends and spent much less than that. Plan to spend even less for the second one, doesn't make any difference to the baby...
Unfortunately no hand me downs on offer but we will reuse everything for future sprogs!
Ditto me too. I don't pay the new price for almost anything... Rolexes included, unfortunately, I'm one that values money more than the "buying new experience". Lots of local Facebook baby groups where you can grab stuff for cheap.
Gumtree and facebook buy&sell groups great for picking up stuff that's hardly been used.
We got a £250 cot-bed for £40. Used once, child didn't like it (?) just bought a new mattress and bob's your uncle.
I must admit I'm a bit carefree when it comes to buying clothes though, I tell the wife the Primark stuff doesn't fit her very well :-)
Don’t get me started...! I’ve spent about the same.
I’d think for that much, the buggy would at least come with a tourbillon or perpetual calendar.
When I look back at things: that buggy's price per mile was higher than a Ferrari's.
We had the first series of the Bugaboo. Dutch design and a friend of a friend knew (and knows) the two men behind te brand. Ours landed at our doorstep a week before they came on sale. A few years later we sold the whole kit and caboodle to a British couple expecting their first. They'd come to The Netherlands and had looked for Dutch online ads because they wanted to have a Bugaboo. At that time, Dutch second-hand prices were lower than British...
Then... milk bottles and pacifiers (is that the correct word for it?)... don't get me started! Not every pacifier is the same. Chose careful, young Padawan... little babies tend to have a 'taste' for these things. Bottles: we used bottles from Difrax (available in the UK?) these have a silicone valve at the bottom. When a child drinks, it creates a vacuum, making it harder and harder to suck the milk out of the bottle. The Difrax' valve lets air in, balancing the pressure inside and outside. That makes drinking a lot easier for the baby.
Then... the tone of voice. I am surprised no-one has mentioned this. You're addressed by midwives, buggy sellers, baby clothing sellers in a manner that you think: "Am I retarded?" The pitch of the voices go up, the rhythm of the words in a sentence goes a lot sloooooower. And always referring to 'the little...' In Dutch, when you want to make things smaller, you ad '...je' to the word. Like child /kind becomes 'little child / kindje. Everything becomes 'little' as if your 6 yrs old again, playing mum and dad with your sister's dolls.
Recognise this? Anyone?
Menno
Sounds like my expenditure 19 months ago!
The NCT course is pretty basic but it’s a great opportunity to meet people in the same position to you that are local. You may not bond with them all but one or two close nct friends are a god send when you need a free babysitter for an afternoon later on!
Hahaha hahaha
Wait till they get to university
Good luck everybody. Have a good one.
I know its an old thread - but the comments above were insightful - i am currently expecting my first.
Thanks guys
Went wedding dress shopping with my first born last evening, it never ends !
M
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