My ex and I have real concerns with the school my daughter is attending, so much so that we are seriously thinking about removing her and placing her in the local private school for girls.
My ex re-married and my daughters step sister attends the same private school after she was taken out of her old school as she was getting bullied and suffering in education, my ex says she has been transformed and is now achieving high scores and is turning into a outgoing social teen so we are thinking the same for our daughter.
Obviously it’s a significant cost so something we are not taking lightly but just wondered if anyone else on here has done similar and if so any experiences?
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Last edited by Martylaa; 16th June 2023 at 21:01.
Yes, but during KS1 for our eldest, 8 years or so ago so, now in equivalent of Y9. It’s all our youngest has ever known.
Never looked back and intend to keep them both there until the end, despite the horrific financial sacrifices it means.
Many of the same problems exist along with new problems, but the school does act affirmatively with more serious issues. Teachers are motivated and in many cases inspire the kids.
"Bite my shiny metal ass."
- Bender Bending Rodríguez
It was quite a long time ago and in Brighton. The local schools just were not cutting the mustard and so we initially moved middle daughter to a GDST school and then middle son, who has an autism diagnosis, to Brighton College. It was expensive, but well worth it. Both children took off from there and absolutely flew, with first rate support.
However, as a teacher, I really do think that there are a lot of poor private schools and all but the best are no better than a good state school, just easier to get into if you are prepared to stump up the cash. So do your research and be a little careful of academy schools that were observed a long time ago - work out what your child's needs are and then look at the school's data for how well the provide for them. Progress 8
https://www.gov.uk/government/public...rmance-measure
is probably the most reliable indicator these days but try to build up a picture of a couple of schools to get a sense of what means what.
If you are in Kent or Cheshire, be very careful, the 11+ driven grammar system tends to cream off the most able and the private schools are often a consolation prize; many are quite poor.
Last edited by M4tt; 17th June 2023 at 13:10.
Thanks for the info, I know this one is a good private school (I actually dated one of the teachers for a while who works there, not looking forward to bumping into her on parents evenings if my daughter attends haha).Originally Posted by M4tt
Went for a look around today and I like the class sizes, 18-20 instead of 30 kids which gave me more reassurance...
Me and my ex need to have a good talk about it and see which way we go now.
Well, that's not true in Cheshire. There is no selection in any Cheshire East or West schools. I think you are thinking of Altrincham perhaps?
If you are in Kent or Cheshire, be very careful, the 11+ driven grammar system tends to cream off the most able and the private schools are often a consolation prize; many are quite poor.
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Great link. Didn’t know this data wa available in such an easy format.
Trafford.
I really know Kent and my knowledge of Cheshire is old, but I assumed still current. If the situation has changed I'm grateful to be corrected, but, checking, it appears to me that there are definitely enough selective grammars that are not fee paying, for example:
https://www.explorelearning.co.uk/11...rammar-school/
and a dozen or so others. It's not as extreme as the situation in Kent, but I assume they still have distort the picture somewhat.
- - - Updated - - -
And The Wirral.
Class sizes, together with generally weeding out students who struggle to behave in the ordinary classroom, can make an astonishing difference to the experience of a child. That's definitely worth paying for.
My pleasure. Next you may find this useful:
https://www.gov.uk/school-performance-tables
I'm conflicted about Ofsted inspections. They are generally usefully accurate, but have never really succeeded in achieving that accuracy without causing a degree of distress and fallout even if the results are positive. If they could be gentler, more frequent and infinitely more responsive to actual concerns rather than external political pressures, it would be handy. Far too often they have been used as a blunt way of pushing a political agenda and that really does no one any good. However, data is usually more helpful, more current and can certainly inform the questions you might want to ask.
The introduction of progress, rather than raw results as the key criterion has been useful and sometimes a shocking experience for selective schools.
Sent our youngest to Gordonstoun for many years - she stopped attending school years before, due to anxiety / self-harming / bullying, and moved into online schooling - before we decided to go private for her final years. A much healthier environment, where teachers have more time to focus on individual students. She thrived (now in year 2 of dentistry) - no regrets.
I had never realised the 11+ I took was a Kent thing, wow.
That sounds very positive.
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We put our son in a private school from secondary school (don’t know what year it is in new money). We honestly didn’t have a much of a choice. The secondary state options in Lewisham and Greenwich boroughs were quite frankly awful. A lot of parents had similar choices and either went private or moved to Kent and did the grammar school thing.
Was it a good choice? Absolutely. He really thrived doing CCF and completing DoE Gold combined with a challenging school workload. He ended up going to Exeter Uni with good grades and graduating with a 2:1. It was a struggle at times with the cost but worth it. He has turned out to be a confident and well rounded young man and we are immensely proud of him.
I would say choose the right school for your kid. We wanted one that was mixed both in s3x and culturally and not too academically focussed.
Again thanks, it’s good to hear some positives. My daughters step sister has been transformed since going to the private girls school we are looking at. I also like the fact there is loads of clubs and after school activities and places to study after school as well.
Need to look at costs between her mother and myself now, hopefully there might be a discount as her sibling is in the same school.
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We thought about it for our daughter as she was struggling at one stage, but, in the end, we simply decided we couldn't afford it.
Even on a good salary at the time, it was going to take a massive chunk out of our funds.
In the end, she did really well, getting GCSEs and A levels and then, after giving up for a year to pursue a career as a riding instructor, she went to University and got a degree in Law!
Each case is different, of course, but I don't think she'd have done significantly better if we'd made the considerable sacrifice to send her to the private school.
I suspect no parent will ever think their child could have done just as well in a state school once they've made the decision.
On the flipside, a friend of mine sent her daughter to a private school.
Her and her husband weren't strapped for cash, but many of the other pupils came from super-rich parents (I recall her telling me once that she was concerned about her daughter's friendship with the daughter of a Russian, as the bodyguards accompanied her everywhere, but they did frequently travel by private helicopter!). Her daughter ended up studying for a Law degree too!
M
Breitling Cosmonaute 809 - What's not to like?
That was the primary driver for us. Daughter at GDST and has only 14 in her class with a teacher and 50% of a TA. Next year a new intake comes in so they go to 20 or 22 but that’s a world away from 30 kids. The other big difference is parents are generally motivated and supportive and so any issues can be dealt with swiftly between parents and teachers. Cost is eye watering though, that’s why we drive a 12 year old Skoda and don’t go on many holidays!!
Thanks for the comment, all helping me thinking that we are going down the right path. Yeah that’ll be me as well, I’ll be sticking with my Nissan or equivalent for the next few years if we go ahead.
As keen as my daughter is to go there she needs to realise it’ll be more work, commitment and extra effort we need to see from her.
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It was the whole of the UK until around 1976 and there are still selective but grant maintained schools dotted around. So it was a Kent thing if you went to secondary after 1977 in most parts of the country.
Yes, I did.
My Daughter attended the local state to me for reception and half of year 1. I then moved her to a private school. Having attended a state school I loved , I really didn't want to. I didn't like the idea of having two fees ( I have a son as well) its a huge commitment. I also didn't see what the benefit would be.
But schools are under more strain with bigger classes , less funding, unhappy teachers now when I attended 30 years ago. It was the best move I ever did. I am really glad my wife pushed me to.
My daughter has really excelled there, its hugely boosted her confidence. I chose a school that wasn't purely academic , and this school brings out so much in them. Smaller classes, they're really on top of bullying. The have so many clubs, podcast club, chess, ju -jitsu etc every day they have clubs they want to go to. It exposes them to so much more than academia.
She's much happier now than she was in her old school. The fees hurt but they're worth it.
Do at least try to see if there are any partial scholarships or support available if your child has any particular special aptitude. Older schools sometimes have reserve pots of cash, often from alumni, to support the oddest things and if you don't ask...
I'm really impressed with the overall ethos of GDST schools - they really do tend to get the best out of girls and leave them pretty well unstoppable.
Our little fella is at a school that achieves 97% of students gaining five or more exam passes (Scottish 'Highers') whereas the top three state schools in the city are 74%, 59% and 58% - that's a single parameter but is markedly quite a difference.
Add in the extra-curricular activities, staff attention and class sizes and it really is a no-brainer if you are able and willing to face the fees.
Thanks Matt, I will ask, I’m hoping they do a slight discount as her step sister goes the same private school.
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We considered it for our son but also visited a free school outside of our catchment area which had recently started, we loved it and so did my son.
Grades improved as did his happiness.
We would have struggled with the cost of private, but we would have made it work.
Our daughters needs were different so she went to the local state school, now she's in the sixth form at a different state school outside of our catchment area as it was right for her, and friends have taken their daughter out of a very good private school and put her in the same sixth form.
Have you spoken to your daughter to see if she would like to go? I'd take her on a visit and then speak to her and see what she thinks. It's what we have done for secondary schools and post 16 for both of our kids.
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We moved both of ours. Our daughter started in the local state primary and did pretty well. Our son struggled from the start. In his second year he had four different teachers with two of them being dismissed. The only things he learned that year were things we thought him at home. The head teacher suggested we consider SEN. Instead we moved him to a small local prep and he thrived. We moved our daughter 6 months later. Both are now in the Kent grammar system and doing well.
I definitely recommend a school tour, we saw three before we made our decision. The one we chose has a supportive family atmosphere. That was its main selling point. It didn't have amazing extra curricular activities, nor was it a hot house focused on entrance exam results.
Thanks, I’ve been to the school yesterday and met with staff and my ex has been twice. My daughter spent a day there last week and loved it, she is welcome to go back for another day or two before they break up for holidays.
I have a better feeling about the private school than the state school for my daughter tbh.
At this moment in time I’m sold on the place but we need to get our heads together to see how we share costs as I already give a lot in child maintenance. It’s doable but will have to re-prioritise a few things.
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Their fees pages should say if they offer sibling discount, these can vary a lot though (by example the local girls school measly sibling discount kicks in only on your third daughter, poor dad).
Scholarships don’t tend to come with much discount IME - schools here are clear in that they separate ability (scholarships) from needs, so bursaries are the way forward for discounts. But be prepared to disclose your finances and demonstrate the need.
Lots of money to save with second hand uniform, but also be prepared for extras on the bill (trips, some clubs, DT materials).
"Bite my shiny metal ass."
- Bender Bending Rodríguez
Some good advice on here and in line with my experience too. The other thing I would add is once they’re in the private system it’s heartbreaking to have to take them out if circumstances ever change.
It's not just the quality of education, it's the coaching and contacts for entry into Russell Group universities, making friends with other pupils who are likely to become GPs, MPs, CxO etc. and your child will be socialised in how to interact with people who are middle-class/upper middle-class.
IIRC there's ample evidence that academically-minded girls especially benefit from all-girls fee-paying schools.
It's helpful if the school has streaming by ability, in my experience of private schooling well-off parents will send non-academic children to fee-paying schools to reduce the chance they fall in with the wrong crowd and are happier in vocationally focussed classes.
Last edited by J J Carter; 18th June 2023 at 13:53.
I went in the opposite direction - my father died when I was ten and continuing at prep school with the intention of following in my brother's footsteps to public school was not an option. So I took the 11 plus and went to what was apparently the smallest grammar school in the country (around 160 pupils in 1966). I had a great time and made friends for life. Nine of our form (of around 22) are still in regular contact and we all seem to have fared reasonably well. I'd like to think that I didn't miss out too much overall by not going to public school - although there is no doubt that my prep school friends had a great start in life.
I was a governor at an independent school a decade ago (courtesy of my job) and I have to say the place was amazing - 110 acres of superb grounds, a very effective head teacher with a great team around him, small classes and any number of sports and cultural activities available to 600 pupils/students... If I had children and they weren't thriving in their local school, I would love to be able to send them there (though the fees would most likely preclude that!).
Both of our kids are in private school and are thriving, but there are a couple of considerations to bear in mind:
- school fees are only going in one direction, and go up significantly at senior school. over £8k per term per child for senior school where we are in outer London and that’s before Labour get in and add 20% VAT. Over the course of their education it’s a huge outlay, our mortgage is small change in comparison!
- it may depend on where you are, but the schools round here have entrance exams at all the normal entry points except pre-prep and wait lists and tests for any ad-hoc places that become available. It’s certainly not just a case of paying the money and getting the place.
- many of the top universities have a quota of how many places are available to those from public schools, so even if they have great grades they will be subject to a discriminatory process. Many parents have now realised this and are gaming the system, sending the kids back to state school for 6th form.
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Last edited by stuie-t; 18th June 2023 at 19:59.
Seriosuly considered it ourselves, you do need to check the admission policy though. Many private schools have an entrance exam which must be passed by the child if they start outside the natural break points (before P1 and/or before secondary level)
I've got one child in a state school and one in private (different needs).
Pretty positive experience with both but obviously the Pvt school offers a lot more which a lot of people have covered already so I won't repeat that. The only thing I'd watch out for is the fact that some private schools have kids from very wealthy backgrounds (duh!). Lots of idle minds with nothing to worry about being devil's workshops - the easy access to money is obviously a factor. My niece went to Pvt school and her peer group seemed to have a lot of issues with alcohol, drugs, mental health issues, bulimia, self harm etc. My younger one who goes to the same school hasn't experienced this yet.
We moved our son out of a village school just over four years ago to a private school. His teacher at the village school had decided he was stupid and was leaving him to play on his own whilst she thought the other children in his class. When your six year old comes home and asks why he is stupid, because that’s what his teacher is telling him you, it’s a terrible moment as a parent.
The school had no interest in resolving, turns out we were the first of eight sets of parents to move their children. The class of 16 dwindled to eight before they accepted there was an issue.
Now we have a very confident son (eleven years old this week), he moves up from the prep school to the boys school in September. He has made great new friends, but also kept the close friends he had from the other school. He does a whole day of sport across the week, has played competitive rugby, football and cricket home and away for the school and is completely changed. He has thrived academically and the school worked hard to reset his confidence and get him to realise that he wassn’t stupid.
Our only regret is we didn’t move him sooner. It is expensive but worth it. I reckon for him to go all the way through to sixth form will be the best part of £200k. We will work a bit harder for a little longer.
He’s still dealing with the fact that as of September he has school on Saturdays too.
We still have academic selection in N Ireland despite many attempts to end it. The grammar schools mainly conduct their own tests now, not state organised. We all did an 11+ in my era. Thank God we did because I was so poorly motivated academically I’d never have even sat an exam if I’d ended up at the local high school
My kids are both coming to end of their first year attending a private school and I think my wife and I made the right decision. Its not just the smaller class sizes, better facilities and quality of teaching that is better, I have genuinely seen a positive change in my kids attitude to education and an increase in their willingness to study.
The other alternative is to move to an area where you're in the catchment area for a great school. However, that often means the new house will be 20% more costly than the equivalent house you currently live in.
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